full image - Repost: I shouldn’t stay but I love him (from Reddit.com, I shouldn’t stay but I love him)
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Long post alert…VERY long postI’ve been with my husband for 7 years, 3 of which we’ve been married. We have 2 beautiful children and normally have a great friendship which ultimately leads into having a loving marriage. I’m here because I know if I was on the outside looking in, I would tell myself to run…We got together early 2017 and feelings matured really quickly, travelled together and was around each other almost every single day. Early in the relationship I had seen messages in his phone to other women speaking quite explicitly about the things he wanted to do or see. I had called off the relationship but he literally pleaded and explained how he hasn’t been in a relationship like this and is trying to adjust but doesn’t want to lose me so he promises me he will stop. I forgave him and we carried on and the feelings are still the same. I fell pregnant towards the end of 2017 and he made me feel safe and ready to have a baby, although it was one of the most scariest things I could ever imagine myself doing and basically listed it as my number one phobia. I felt great throughout and he was present every step of the way until I found an email asking a prostitute for her services and the follow up messages saying he had a great time. After confronting him, he admitted that it was a stupid mistake after a night out where all his friends were doing it and he wanted to try it to see what all the hype was about. He apologised. A week after having the baby I found emails in his phone from a dating website where he was talking to other women whilst I was in labour…he swore up and down that his account was hacked and it wasn’t him. This made me want to check his phone every single time. I had post partum depression, I was still living with my parents and had discovered my fiancé at the time was unfaithful. It broke me. We had visitors coming to visit the baby a few weeks after I had the baby and when I called him he said he was on his way, when the time went by and he didn’t show up, i tried to call and his phone was off. The next day he showed up and said he was at his friends house and fell asleep. He even had his friend co-sign. Something made me check Uber, I see an address that definitely isn’t his friends. I confront him and he admits to going to a girls house where they drank and he fell asleep. I obviously know better but til this day he hasn’t admitted anything happened. The next incident soon after is him sending voice notes to another random girl talking about wanting to go on holiday with her, he had just come back from holiday not that long ago and wanted to fly out again…the “holiday” he just came back from was our baby moon. We moved out of our parents to our own flat and my life just revolved around the baby. All my love and time went into the baby and it frustrated him. I couldn’t understand why he was feeling that way since he was a grown man and the baby needed all the love care and attention. We were no longer intimate, I couldn’t bring myself to do it but at the time I didn’t know it was because of all the trauma that I had said I would work through and forgive him so we can start over. I can’t remember the chronological order but at one point we went on a night out, got a bit drunk and then argued when we got home. He put his hands around my neck and threw me onto the floor. That was the breaking point for me. I felt trapped because I had a baby. I didn’t want to be a single mum because he’s so good with the baby, he loves them like crazy and is a good dad. We went through couples counselling but it fizzled out after 2 sessions. We were living together but it felt like we were flat mates. I felt like I had to make an effort to fix things, especially because I still loved him and it takes 2 to tango. We had a proper heart to heart and for the first time in a long time I felt heard seen and wanted to work through it. He showed me that he was willing. Life took a turn and we came into some money and got married. We had promised each other a clean slate and moved into a new home. That period of life was bliss, we were back in love and the trust grew for him. A few months after marriage he decided to go through my phone and saw a conversation between my best friend and I talking about me seeing my ex on a night out. He confronted me and asked me what happened. I came clean. Before I got with my husband I was seeing a guy on and off for 4 years because he didn’t want the commitment but I wanted it and also thought he would change his mind if I stuck around long enough (smh), as soon as my husband came into my life I cut my ex off completely no explanation no nothing. Blocked him everywhere etc. I saw him on a night out and he wanted closure. He offered to drop me home so we could talk and since I knew he lived close by I agreed. We spoke and I guess he got the closure he needed. He did try to come in for a kiss which I rejected and went into my home fast. I didn’t say a word at the time, but when I was asked, I told him everything. He was torn up about it. He assumed the worst I.e. we had sex in the back of the car, I was still seeing him. I told him none of that happened but it made him go crazy. He started drinking and wanting to confront me every single opportunity. It was a crazy place to be in. He would come into my space every time, argue, scream, accuse me. It got too much and I said I wanted to leave. He apologised and said he wanted to work through things. I said we both needed therapy. It was an ultimatum I gave him. Long story short I went to therapy, he didn’t. He struggled to find a therapist on our private healthcare and as time went by he gave up. I found out I was pregnant and it felt like a disaster. He was so happy, he really wanted the baby. We travelled for a friends wedding abroad and whilst there, he became randomly paranoid after drinking and when we got back to the hotel, we got into a massive argument. This time he dragged me across the floor, he threw all my clothes out of the suitcases. He pushed me around. It was horrible. I was screaming for my life looking into his eyes trying to bring him back to realising it was ME! I tried to escape the room, he followed me around the hotel. I tried to go to a place where there were people so someone could help me. but instead they ignored me and this abusive man. I tried go escape to the airport early but he found me. He was coming into my personal space, forcing me to speak to him. It was HELL. I was pregnant and I felt like I was finished and trapped. We got back home and I didn’t want to be with him anymore. He said he had underlying traumas that he needed to figure out. He apologised profusely and said he was disgusted with himself and that’s not him at all he doesn’t know what came over him. I trusted him to find a therapist. Time went by, we weren’t intimate, that was a problem for him because he didn’t understand why. I tried to find explanations because I didn’t really know why I didn’t want him either…but as I read through what I’ve written I know exactly why. I found another message to another woman in his phone telling her how sexy she looked in a dress and he was sending her pictures that I took of him. Soon I had the baby and after my 30th birthday I felt like a new woman. All of a sudden my libido was back, and I felt more connected to him. I think it was because of the way he was with the children. So hands on and I could go out with my girls and take trips away and he would be with the kids and I didn’t have to worry. Something that wasn’t as common in my married friendship circles. He promised me up and down and I vowed never to go through his phone. Whatever happens in the dark will always come to light…A few weeks ago I got a Facebook message from a girl sending me screenshots of my husband calling her sexy and beautiful asking how she is etc as if they knew each other. She immediately said “you’re married, I’m sending this to your wife”. She told me they had been messaging in 2021 and I asked her for the screenshots too. She sent all the info over and apologised but really wanted me to know what he was doing. I confronted him, but because I had been here before I didn’t have the normal anger. I just asked him. He gaslit me and said he wasn’t even on Facebook, he doesn’t remember this person, that’s not his type etc. Funnily enough, I would have believed him if he had said it was AI or he was hacked. I think it was wanting him to say hands down that’s not him…but he didn’t. He lied, he became defensive. It was all too much. I cracked. I sobbed, I realised that I’ve wasted my life. I cried for my kids, I cried for the future I imagined. How much I built him up and encouraged him to be the best version of himself. I had dimmed my light to brighten his. I never made him feel less of a man for earning less than me or not having the same educational background as I did. I saw the light in him…the potential. I celebrated my 31st in amazing spirits feeling grateful for life and all I had so naturally the mood because lighter and maybe he thought that he was in the clear. Now that the festivities are over m, the dust is settling and Im checking out. So now I’m here 2 weeks after the new message. I feel guilty for wanting to leave. I’m feeling guilty for my kids. I don’t want to break their home. They love their parents equally. Can this be worked through? Will he ever stop? What should I do???? I really need help. I can’t tell my family, i can’t tell my friends. None of them know this truth. He keeps asking me what he can do to earn my trust and I just tell him to figure it out. He also doesn’t think I should still be upset about the last message because it’s not that serious it was just a. Text…
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