full image - Repost: The fear of buying has made me do irrational behaviour. Not buying anything doesn't seem like a solution either. Then what is? What is the solution? (from Reddit.com, The fear of buying has made me do irrational behaviour. Not buying anything doesn't seem like a solution either. Then what is? What is the solution?)
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Someone should take my credit card away like a small child and my life would probably be better if someone else managed my purchase. Like my father did when I spend 500$ on Clash of Clans when I was 13. I give up monetary wise. I cannot spend money reasonably. Not working.It just doesn't work. I buy things because I think my life will magically be better with them and then I won't have to buy anything anymore, ever. But this doesn't work. Obviously. When said thing arrives I will be on the hunt to buy the next thing.What follows is an excerpt of my mind of the last 3 years:My internet is slow: Buy a LAN switch. Okay. But for that I need LAN cables. Buy LAN cables. Okay. Your LTE router is a bit slow isn't it? Buy a new LTE router. But the more LTE router doesn't allow customizing certain settings. Buy another LTE router. Great, but notice how your monitor gives you eye strain? Buy another monitor. Actually, no, buy 2 monitors for productivity. Still eye strain? Buy lamps to put behind the monitor. Great. Notice how you get back pain though when you sit Infront of your desk? What about a 1000$ Hermann Miller chair? For sure, if you buy that, you will be happy and you won't need to buy anything else, ever again! Now, you have the chair. Notice how the sunlight is reflecting in your monitors? What about buying new curtains, or blinds? So I buy blinds. Oh, the blinds look ugly. Maybe buy curtains instead. Now, that you fixed all of this, the air is a bit hot in the apartment. Maybe buy a portable AC. Now, you have an AC unit. But it's loud, your neighbours hear it. But something to put it on so that vibrations reduce. Great, well done! Your room looks a bit ugly though. Buy some decorations maybe? Maybe something for your table? Some cushions to sit on? Almost perfect! Now, the air quality is a bit bad. Probably because of the street outside. Maybe but an air purifier? Now, the noise from the hallway is triggering. Buy some noise dampening mats for the door. What about new headphones with noise cancellation? Your current laptop gives you eye strain, it has a rough track pad, maybe buy a new laptop? Also, laptops are quite inefficient for note taking at university. Maybe buy a tablet? Ipad? Samsung? Why not both? Also, the risk of data loss in clouds is high. Maybe diskstation NAS to store your data on locally? Great. Your sleep quality is quite bad though (based on what metric). Maybe buy a new topper? Or a new mattress? Aw shucks! The new mattress is too hard! Buy another mattress. Also, your current phone is laggy. But a new phone. Wait, the new phone lags? Buy another phone and return the old one. Oh, the new phone has the same problem? Return it and buy another phone again. Trust the process. It will make you happy. Also, your chairs are too loud. Maybe put some dampers under the legs of the chairs. Also, remember lightning from earlier? Buy some new smart home lamps. Speakers, you like listening to music. What about some new high quality speakers to listen music at your PC to? Wait, nevermind, the new speakers probably can be heard by my neighbour because of too much bass. Buy other speakers.And it goes on and on and on and on. My mind never stop. Never happy, never content, always looking for something else to buy, something else to buy which then finally gives me inner peace! Just one more thing! Just one more thing to buy and then you will be finally happy! Surely!If I had a million dollars I would find a way to spend all of them. If I had a billion dollars I would find a way to spend all of them. If I had a trillion dollars I would find a way to spend all of them.Now, the actual problem; Because of that I started not spending my money on anything. Don't buy anything. But this doesn't work: 1. You need internet 2. You need mobile internet and a SIM card 3. You need food 4. You need some kind of cloud storage for files. Really. No one can live with some kind of cloud storage 5. Everyday items for household like cleaning are a necessity to regularly buy. 6. Physical health is important. Sleep quality especially.But spending money on these things because of my past, and my mind, luring for me to buy anything so that it can turn into an binge buying excess has made me fear buying anything. So I will buy, regret instantly, return, regret that because duh, I actually need a bag to transport my laptop in for university, buy again, return again etc.In the past 6 months I cancelled and subscribed 50 times to Microsoft Onedrive, YouTube Music (YT Music is really unnecessary though I realised. There are cheaper ways to listen to music), my internet phone plan. I bought 50 different things from Amazon and returned all of them. Amazon probably things "that person should seek help". Microsoft probably things the same, so does Google. Even my bank called me once and asked "Yo dawg, are you like okay? Did you got hacked? Because we get 50 purchases and refunds daily".So: Buying lots of things in a hope they will fix me isn't the solution. Not buying things I need and returning things constantly isn't the solution either. It will just make my bank, Amazon etc. wonder what the hell is wrong with that guy and maybe even worried that I got hacked.Also, I noticed that when I don't buy things I actually need, that stresses me out and I will compensate that with binge food purchases out of stress. So, not buying leads to me buying even more, but different things. This thing, saving money leads to spending more money is when I realized the following: "OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"So, I realised I have a problem. I know that I cannot impulsively buy things anymore. But not buying anything at all anymore isn't the solution. Neither is returning. But then what is the solution? I don't know. But that scares me immensely because money is an essential part of life. If you, if I don't know how to deal with money that basically means I don't know how to live. Easy as that. I tried making spreadsheets, caculating my incomes and outcomes of money. Great in theory. But the practice never works as I expected it to be because suddenly I need to buy some specific item which failed. And then at the end of the month i have less money than before. Great.I don't know what the solution is. When I throw money at things I will feel temporarily happy but will have -100000$ long term. If I try to save money, that leads to irresponsible behaviour like: No data backups, no photo backups because of cloud. No mobile internet because of cancelled phone plan. Stress. Stress which turns into buying different useless things like junk food. Etc.Oh boy. I hate my mind. I hate it so much. Nothing of stupidity, irrational, OCD like results come out of it. Please, mind, can you be quiet for one single minute? No, I don't need a new phone. Or a new monitor. Just, no. Please. Somehow there needs to be a way of living normally. I know I should seek help. Yes. But I don't know how, plus, it might costs some money. Money which I don't have. But this is just contradictory thinking and unhelpful. There has to be some rational way in spending money. What is it though? How? I don't know!
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